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Usually I don't say anything about big events that happen. So much is already said by everyone else and I don't have anything to contribute. But I feel like this time, I have to put in my two cents. Here goes:
For once, I completely disagree with Matt Walsh. His latest post demeans those of us who struggle with depression, minimizing our pain, minimizing how inexplicably horrible it makes one feel. He says all we need is joy and spirituality. And we'll be okay. I'm sorry people, but that's just bull. Church is a big part of my life, and I am a faithful Mormon through and through, but it isn't such a ridiculously simple solution like that. God will help me through depression episodes, but mostly in guidance for what I can do to help myself and others.
Rather, in this case, and in many many cases where a person has chosen suicide as an escape from their living hell, I much prefer the words of The Bloggess - "Depression lies." It truly does lie to you. You can have a fabulously amazing life, surrounded by amazing people who love you, and the depression tells you there is nothing, there is no light to see, there is nothing to live for. It tells you that you are worthless, that your life is meaningless to others, that they are better off without you.
It's a horrible feeling. I remember when I was halfway through my pregnancy, while getting ready for church one Sunday, I just laid down on the ground and started crying. There was no reason to breakdown like that. I had been feeling sad for a few weeks until that day, I just suddenly felt like life was the hardest thing and there was nothing to look forward to. Even with the perfect pregnancy I'd experienced, and no life problems. Rob found me that way. Once he convinced me to get up, we decided I needed to tell my doctor. I'm so lucky to have an understanding hubby and also a great doctor, who only asked me if I'd experienced this before (yes, all through high school) and gave me something to help. It did. Life was brighter through the rest of my pregnancy and post partum. I'm so so so grateful for my sweet Rob and awesome doctor!
Lately, I've been struggling. Not a lot, but I've felt these creeping feelings invading my life again. There is no explanation, I have a sexy hubby, a sweet boy, a comfortable home, and a thriving business. But some mornings, I still wake up with a feeling of what is there to get up for? And every morning that happens, I have to force myself to shake it off and tell myself what needs to be done and move on. I do not have an extreme case of depression. Nothing near what it seems Robin Williams had to fight. But I feel for him. I've had a glimpse of what that life is like and it's hard. Inexplicable.
I know this is such a hard thing to ask, but friends who do not struggle with this, please try to be there for your friends who do. I'm not asking you to understand, as it's an impossible feeling to understand without experiencing it, but empathize. Truly ask your friends how they are doing and show how you need them in your life. Be there for someone. Help them through it. If you feel they need something, do it without asking. Help them see the truth instead of the lies. These things can help bring that glimmer back, help that person see the light at the end of a long, dark, muddy tunnel. They will remember you. They will remember who was there to ask if they are okay and help through the dark times.
And I will try to be better too.
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And since I have no photos for this post, here's my nerdy interpretation of the supermoon from last week.